Project Geekology

Van Helsing (2004)

• Anthony, Dakota, Rich • Episode 145

Share episode

Send us a text

Stake, silver, and a whole lot of spectacle; this week we dive headfirst into Van Helsing (2004), the loud, lavish monster mash that tried to launch a new Universal era and left us with glorious chaos. We unpack why this movie still feels like a relic from a braver time in blockbuster filmmaking: a place where studios gambled on pulpy ideas, action never took a breath, and Dracula could fund Frankenstein’s science to bring his bat-babies to life without irony getting in the way.

We talk through the craft that often gets overlooked: the striking black-and-white prologue, clever camera choreography, map paintings that nod to classic Hollywood, and creature work that swings from impressive werewolf transformations to delightfully rubbery CGI. Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale anchor the adventure while the supporting cast leans hard into operatic camp, especially a Dracula who turns melodrama into a contact sport. At the center of the noise sits Frankenstein’s monster, rendered as both eloquent and thunder-forged, the closest thing the film has to a soul.

From there, we zoom out. Universal’s long quest to revive its monster pantheon, theme park crossovers, and why Van Helsing tried to do in one film what today’s studios stretch across phases. We compare it to Underworld, Reign of Fire, and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, drawing a line between bold swings that win hearts and calculated “universes” that lose them. Along the way, expect laughs about Faramir in a bumbling turn, Jekyll and Hyde’s Andre the Giant homage, and a final set piece that’s equal parts juicy and joyous.

If you crave throwback adventure with teeth, this one’s a wild ride worth revisiting. Hit play, then tell us: camp classic or beautiful mess? Subscribe, share with a fellow monster fan, and drop a review to keep the geeky goodness flowing.


Twitter handles:
Project Geekology: https://twitter.com/pgeekology
Anthony's Twitter: https://twitter.com/odysseyswow
Dakota's Twitter: https://twitter.com/geekritique_dak

Instagram:
https://instagram.com/projectgeekology?igshid=1v0sits7ipq9y

YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@projectgeekology

Geekritique (Dakota):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBwciIqOoHwIx_uXtYTSEbA

TravelEssary
Travel tips, RV life insights, family adventures, and destinations across America.

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Support the show

SPEAKER_00:

Vampires, werewolves, Dwergi. Oh my. Guys, we're covering Van Helsing 2004 with Huge Jacked Man. And uh guys, thank you so much for tuning in to uh episode 145 of Project Geek Ecology. I am one third of your host. My name is Dakota, and I am joined as always with Anthony.

SPEAKER_01:

And what are you talking about, Dakota? I didn't what I watched, it it didn't have Hugh Jackman in it. It had some like woman in five seasons. What are you talking about? I think it came out in like 2015. But yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you definitely watched the Ron Van Helsing and you watched five seasons of the wrong.

SPEAKER_01:

Five seasons of it. But yes, I am Anthony and joining us as always is.

SPEAKER_02:

Rich, very excited to talk about the Conquer's Bad Fur Day level based on Val Helsing, because that's all I uh that's all I did. So Anthony did the show. You did some movie with I'm pretty sure that Hugh Jackman has only played one role in his entire life, and that is Logan.

SPEAKER_00:

The greatest showman.

SPEAKER_02:

Ridiculous. But uh I am uh I am actually excited to talk about Van Helsing tonight with you guys.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, uh this is a fun one because I haven't seen it since right around the time that it came out. I remember really liking it. You know, I I remember having the DVD. I remember like going and just hoping that this would eventually get a sequel. It did eventually get a uh animated prequel, apparently. I found that out after this, but yeah. This was supposed to launch a franchise, as so many films are, but this was uh I guess the intent from Universal after looking this up was they wanted to do the mummy, but with other monsters. And it does have mummy vibes. Um I I would say pretty strong mummy vibes, actually, in terms of like the action and the energy that they were putting onto onto the screen. But yeah, unfortunately, didn't do all that well at the box office, which kills everything.

SPEAKER_02:

I won't lie, it was kind of facetious, but not. I did not see this movie when it came out. This would have been right after I mean the the X-Men movies came out, what, 99?

SPEAKER_00:

The first one came out in 99, um, and I think the second one was 2002, something like that. Okay, so yeah, this Oh no no. I believe it was 2000 that the first X-Men came out.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. 2000. Yeah, that sounds right. So this is four years after I uh would not like I often I had never seen Hugh Jackman in anything before I saw him in X-Men, and uh other than his height, which I don't want to harp on too long. Wolverine was 5'4 in the comics, 5'3. I idolized him as a small child, and when I say small, I mean literally small. So watching this six-foot man uh get the role is like uh hey, you're you're missing out. He's supposed to be short, but I accepted him. You're telling me you didn't see him in Oklahoma? No, listen to me. I refuse I know of a movie called Kate Leopold, where he's some sort of time traveling romantic who sends letters and I don't understand it, but I saw the commercial and I said, no, I'm not gonna see Hugh Jackman. So you guys did something that nobody has ever made me do. And I was tricked because I in my head I saw it as Vigo Mortensen because of his the long hair. So I thought I was like, alright, I I guess I can deal with watching Aragorn. I don't know, I guess, but it was far less offensive and of an idea. And then I put when I see Hugh Jackman walk into that frame, I paused it and I I immediately texted them and I said, guys, you guys didn't tell me that the lead is suspiciously like Wolveria or something, and their responses were like, no, uh, Kate Beckinsdale. Um I don't know what you're talking about. Kate Beckendale, yeah, she's the vampire girl, and they're trolling me, guys. They're trolling me. I think this is a trap. So I'm calling them both of you fess up now.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. It wasn't intended as a trap. I didn't I genuinely didn't realize you had such a phobia to watching movies with actors that you are very familiar or like very tired. I mean, you have said it many times on the show, but I didn't realize it was such a phobia that you just absolutely didn't do it. But I'm happy that uh I pushed you out of your circle a little bit. So it wasn't my intention. I just, you know, we were talking about monsters last week, specifically Frankenstein's monster, and I was just like, you know what? Frankenstein's in this one too. And it's kind of like they were they were talking about it on the internet like last week or something. Like there was a joke about the mirror scene where like she's in the ballroom and there's nobody around her, and someone joked online basically saying, like, nobody's sure if this was like a technical mishap that they just forgot to put all those people into the mirror, or if this was intentional, and it just kind of spurred some like stupid conversation because obviously it's intentional, but it's funnier that it would be a technical mishap. Um, so I was I was like, I had it on my mind, and I was just like, let's just do it, let's roll. Anthony, you've seen Van Helsing before.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I think that they were definitely like trying to go like full swing into creating something because I remember visiting you in California one year, and we went to Universal, and they had like this Van Helsing, like kind of walkthrough like Dracula's castle thing. And mind you, like this was like the year after the movie came out, so they were still trying to do stuff with it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean they clearly put a lot of eggs in this basket. And to be fair, Universal's been trying to re-up their monster franchise for decades now. You know, they tried to do the dark universe, that was a fail. They I think there was another there was a couple movies. There was the Invisible Man, there was a Wolfman movie, there was a Mummy movie, but they're all disconnected and they're trying to recapture that magic of you know the early universal monster stuff. And they haven't really done it, or at least not to any box office of plum, but they have tried to do different things, and that's why I'm so excited about what they're doing in Epic Universe, because they're kind of just molding all of those stories into one mythology a little bit. Yeah. And did this movie give you any vibes as to what you saw in Epic Universe and the the the dark universe?

SPEAKER_01:

It it did give me like that vibe because there's that one ride where they have like the kind of like monsters unleashed where there's like you know, the mix of they had Frankenstein, there was the wolf man, there was Dracula, they had the creature from the Black Lagoon, which isn't like they're always trying to make Frankenstein, they're always trying to do Dracula, they always try to do the Mummy, and even like the Wolfman, but they've never done anything with the creature from the Black Lagoon in a long time. Maybe this is time to like maybe try to it's like okay, let's do something different, let's bring this guy back.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I mean he's also kind of like a tragic creature because he's just trying to protect his home, really.

SPEAKER_00:

He's just a creature from yeah, from a lagoon.

SPEAKER_01:

He's just he's just trying to protect his home, really. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. They should do an Iceland version where it's like creature from the blue lagoon. Um no. What?

SPEAKER_02:

Like just a Nordic, uh, an attractive Nordic woman with blonde hair. Like, oh no, she's so scary. Oh no. Please don't.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, it would be like it would be elves or like the Holtefolk in uh Icelandic lore. So you don't want to do that. Yes, you don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Wait, did you did you also go to that that weird uh experience in Iceland where with like the trolls telling the story of Iceland? No.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I didn't do that. There's a lot of stuff to do in Iceland, but that is not one of the things I did. Yeah, they but we're sorry about that. Sorry about that. Let's let's uh let's reel it back in. Before we uh jump full steam ahead into the Van Helsing side of things, what have we been up to this past week? I'll start with me. How about that? I never started a little selfish.

SPEAKER_02:

Can't believe it. First time in 145 episodes.

SPEAKER_00:

A little selfish, yeah. What did I do this week? Oh, so I finished season one of Stranger Things. I did my timeline notes on season one of Stranger Things. That was kind of fun. It's actually pretty strong, like timeline-wise, in terms of the first season, because it's day by day by day by day, and it keeps the consistency of like this is Tuesday, now this is Thursday, now this is Saturday, whatever. And I was really surprised by it because most series they kind of start like that, you know. School starts on a Monday, this is the Saturday. But as time goes on, it just becomes a jumble of like m whatever day the writers think of. And I was really surprised. I have a very, very strong timeline consistency within the first season. So I'm excited to see how that continues. Because I believe every first episode of every season begins with a date, or at least most of them do. So I'm hoping to see if I can map out that entire timeline pretty accurately, and we'll see where that goes. But uh otherwise, I I also started listening to the second full cast audiobook for the Harry Potter franchise, Chamber of Secrets, came out yesterday as of recording this. And yeah, I'm really enjoying it. It the production quality is just like off the charts. But you know, I'm I'm like used to it now because I have already listened to the Sorcerer's Stone one. So I'm not surprised by it as much as I was the first one. Like the first one, I was just like, wow, I can't believe they did this. I cannot believe they manage such a feat for an audiobook. But yeah, no, it's it's still it's still just as good. And yeah, I'm enjoying it. So that's about it for me. Tomorrow's a big day for me. I see uh the new Avatar movie.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh man, I can't wait to see Aang, man. It's gonna be so good. And Appa's back.

SPEAKER_00:

Aang, Jake Sully, Katara. There's some new characters, Varang. Um, yeah, we we uh we're going big this time. We're going big. And then we're gonna go home. What else? Uh that's that's pretty much it. Yeah, I I didn't do all that much. Been watching some Office, and yeah. I'm going to send it over to Anthony.

SPEAKER_01:

I haven't been doing anything too much except for just been continuing my Red Dead Redemption playthrough. And I mean like this is like the first one, not the second one, Rich. Not not your favorite one, but I've been playing the uh well not the OG Red Dead, but the OG Red Dead Redemption. But yeah, no, I've been having fun with that. And actually, as of recording, Fallout Season 2 dropped today. So I'm actually pretty stoked about that because New Vegas is one of my favorites, and it's the one that's not made by Bethesda. Made by Obsidian. That's right. So which they also made the second Knights of the Republic.

SPEAKER_00:

Sorry, is this season uh about New Vegas?

SPEAKER_01:

Um Vegas. At least that's what it was showing in the in the trailers. Yeah. Yeah, man, they're trying to pull in all the New Vegas folk.

SPEAKER_00:

Rich, have you already watched Of course.

SPEAKER_02:

I uh is it New Vegas? I'm a degenerate. Uh yeah, we haven't, you know. First episode is the first episode. I don't want to spoil anything for anybody, but it definitely did the whole season release or just the first episode? Just the first episode. I think they're doing one episode every week, which I'm uh stoked about. Rich would have watched the whole show today. I mean, I would have, but you know what?

SPEAKER_00:

I was actually gonna say, like, it's gonna be hard for me because I'm gonna be watching Avatar pretty much every day, but I could probably bang out a whole season of Fallout for next week. But I guess that's not gonna happen because we don't have full access to that. But it was good, it was a good episode.

SPEAKER_02:

I enjoyed it. Um, you know, I I I really like the casting. I think they did a good job with um names Mr. House. Very much looks like the guy from the game if you know who he is. If you don't, I didn't spoil anything, because it's not really complicated. But it's I just love it. I just I can't, it's just I love being back there, man. It's just I love I love that world. I love the idea of us kind of freezing in the 1950s. When I go to a wedding, the only time that you see me on the dance floor is when that 50s Mega Mix comes on, and they're asking you to twist, and uh I'm up there twisting, baby. I love that stuff. So I love the music. There, I mean they're using the songs from the game. It's I'm getting hit with nostalgia feels that I don't even know, like I forgot. Like, I didn't like I have rem don't remember that I remember that song, and then it started the just the first chords play, and I'm like, oh, like this blanket is wrapped around me. I love the show. I don't think there's anything they do wrong in season one, and I'm so excited for season two. So expect gentle view gentle listeners that at some point we will cover this, and I will have watched it 17 times over, and I will annoy both Dakota and Anthony. And wait, Antoine, uh by I hold up. Has your name always been Antoine?

SPEAKER_01:

At least for today it has been.

SPEAKER_00:

You guys crap you guys do something every week that throws me off, but uh sorry. It's just in our nature. We're just editing. Sorry, Anthony. I hijacked you. Yeah, go ahead. Uh Anthony, uh anything else that you've been up to? I know you said you were excited about Fallout season two, but what else?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, man, I'm pretty stoked. Probably I mean, there's a possibility at some point, maybe this weekend, uh I'll see uh Avatar. I'm not gonna be on the Dakota train and watch it six times between tomorrow and Wednesday, but at least once I might see it.

SPEAKER_00:

So I I don't think I can watch it six times in that time period, but we'll see.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we'll see. Dakota there's enough time between Yeah, you could get an early showing and then a late showing. You might tap into your inner rich, you know, and watch all six showings in one day.

SPEAKER_00:

There are some some things that I am uh degenerate for, and this might be one of those things.

SPEAKER_01:

This is definitely one of those shows.

SPEAKER_02:

This guy is going to the worst borough in New York just to catch another viewing.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, we'll we'll pass it over to Rich though.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, go ahead, buddy. Just to be clear, listeners, Dakota's going to the I don't care if I alienate a whole borough. Alright, like this guy is going to Staten Island just to go see another viewing of it, which is just crazy. It's an island, you gotta like take a boat there. It's ridiculous. Uh you could do it. You could blame that on his brother. Yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna keep it on Dakota. That's dedication. I mean, like nobody wants to go to Staten Island. I'm just uh it's it's crazy. That's fair, fair criticism. But uh let's see, I I just I thought I finished Mario Odyssey. I just defeated Bowser and I I guess it's like uh uh like a post-game world where there's like stuff to do. You end up which is really cool. Like you finish it and then you suddenly end up like in the Mario 64 castle area, and then you show up and the toads are like She came home and now we can't find her. Hey Rich, who whose Odyssey did you complete? Odysseus. Luigi's brother. Uh so it's uh I've I really there's more for me to do in that game. But um there's so much that I love about it. I love being rewarded for like jumping at walls and just hoping that I like go through it because there's a secret area in the back and I get another star or whatever. I I've really had a great time with that game. Other exciting news about gaming is that I gotta be quiet about this. Guys, there's currently a meta quest 3 in my house. I can't touch it. It's technically belonging to my son, but let's be honest here. I'm gonna be playing that thing. So in a couple weeks, we're gonna get a report. Probably right. I mean, I'm just gonna walk you know, open the gift, put the kid to bed, watch Stranger Things on Christmas Day or Christmas night, and then I'm gonna meta quest it up, baby. So uh I'm very Yeah, it's only what, a week away?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm very excited, guys. Uh yeah. My wife let me choose, and I uh I would never have bought this for myself, but man, I I am excited, and that's a good thing because the Mets have broken my heart and decided not to sign any of my favorite players, and I don't know why I'm paying$6,000 to go see them 81 times next year. But with all that out of the way, uh why don't we move on to talk about uh you know one of my favorite actors in the world?

SPEAKER_00:

The rich lore is uh is always top of my entertainment for the week. Sorry, we did you say you wanted to go talk about the movie? Yeah, let's let's jump in. Let's do it. So yeah. They made this movie in about around the year 2004. They used characters that have existed in various multimedia franchises and media outlets, you know, Dracula, Frankenstein, they were both created uh by novels or in novels. You have characters that were introduced in films, Igor, the werewolf or wolfman. You have new things in this movie, you have Dwergeies that never appear in anything else, which are just like little minions of Dracula. You have Dracula's offspring, which are just like little bat baby things that are terrifying, and like I don't even know why he would want to bring those into the world. Like, how many do you really need, sir? You have Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde. I didn't even realize when I was a kid that it was modeled after Andre the Giant, but hey, it was modeled after Andre the Giant very clearly. I'm just I'm rambling right now, but you know, this this movie shouldn't exist. It's such a crazy ensemble of ideas that they meshed into this action movie. And I think they kind of burned themselves out a little bit. If they were trying to build a franchise with this, you know, huge jacked man playing Van Helsing, he kinda he met all the monsters, he met all the good ones anyway, in the first movie.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I was gonna say they built the whole like universe in one movie, you know, and this movie Logan Van Helsing. That's what we're gonna call him. Logan Van Helsing. It's not Gabriel.

SPEAKER_00:

Gabriel Van Helsing. Yeah. Did uh did we like the movie? So the the movie uh before I you know send it over to you guys, was um I think ahead of its time in certain ways. You know, like it didn't receive great reviews and it didn't receive a great box office rapport. But I think people didn't know how good they had it in the early 2000s when it came to adventure movies because this was crazy. This was really good. Uh the choreography in terms of like the camera choreography, the framing of certain shots, the black and white stuff in the beginning, dude, it was it was so beautiful. It was like it was so gorgeous to look at almost all the time. And yeah, so a couple of Actors played it over the top. Dracula was really ham-fisted, and Frankenstein really screamed all the time. But it was fun. It's supposed to be camp.

SPEAKER_01:

They also, you know, they they had two actors that were really like at the top of their game, too, you know. Hugh Jackman, household name because of the X-Men movies, and then you had Kate Beckinsale, which was like, you know, blowing it up with the Underworld Underworld's movie.

SPEAKER_00:

Did did Underworld already come out at that time?

SPEAKER_01:

The first one, yeah, it was in 03. Okay, so yeah, she was very that Underworld was like it was like the female version of Blade, except I I don't think she could go outside during the day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, she wasn't a daywalker, but But she fought vampires. I do remember really liking that first movie. I think the first two were really good. And then it just became like too much. But the first one was such a cool concept. It was almost like The Matrix meets a secret war between vampires and werewolves. It was the coolest thing ever. There was a bunch of cool movies around that time. There was a movie called um I think it was Rain of Fire, where it was like uh a post-apocalyptic movie where like dragons had like taken over the world or something like that. Sean Connery or something? Isn't he in it? No, I don't think Sean Connery. Maybe he's uh I don't remember if he's in it.

SPEAKER_02:

Heath Ledger? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like hey Hold on, I gotta look that up now. But there was a bunch of movies in that time frame. So that was this was 2002. It was uh Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, no, completely wrong. And Gerard Brahman. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it was a dragon movie. It was really cool. Yeah, it was just a fun time for you know one-off movies. Maybe Underworld wasn't one-off. You know what I'm saying? Like it was just like Hollywood was trying cool things, and there wasn't this overlooming gotta be like the MCU thing that everyone has tried to do pretty much since 2012.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I I think that's why people I know that streaming doesn't help out with that, but you know, uh with the lack of taking the chance or taking a risk, like nobody really wants to go go to the movies and watch like a a copy and paste of something else, you know. Somebody people have shown that they will come to the movies for things that matter, like, you know, obviously, you know, a good MCU movie or like the Avatar movies. I mean, that you know this movie's gonna make gangbusters on uh like Buku money just for existing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I think uh I love that gif or it's like a it's like a video of uh James Cameron like smoking a hundred dollar bill or something like that. It's just like he he's rolling in it right now. Three of the top five grossing movies of all time are directed by James Cameron. So his his track record is just like bar none. There's nobody nobody on that level, but yeah, I wish there were more movies like this nowadays that did well, you know. Like uh recently uh we covered Dungeons and Dragons Honor Among Thieves, and it has this vibe, you know, they gave something a chance, they had fun with it, there's a clear adventure story there, potential for you know franchise development, but you just need the audience, you know, and yeah, I think that that's where this fell.

SPEAKER_01:

And um I think the sad thing about it was that like if like more people had understood a little bit more about Dungeons and Dragons, they would have enjoyed it a lot more because it really gave you that campaign vibe.

SPEAKER_00:

I almost wonder if Honor Among Thieves was held back by the Dungeons and Dragons.

SPEAKER_02:

I think it was. I a thousand percent because you know I've mentioned I think I mentioned on that episode that like I've steered clear of Dungeons and Dragons my entire life because I know how I am and I get into things uh just a little bit. It's a little bit of the little bit of spice I bring to my life, but uh if I I feel like I would just go too far. So I didn't watch that movie because I had no interest. I was like, oh, Dungeons and Dragons, I don't care. But uh, as Anthony has quoted me and saying, that was a rip-roaring good time. I loved that movie, it was so much fun, and I would have never seen it had I not been forced to, and the reason I stayed away from it was because it was Dungeons and Dragons. If it was just called Honor Among Thieves, I would have been like, Oh, Chris Pike, let's go! You know, like I uh what's her name, Jennifer?

SPEAKER_00:

And then later, you know, like you you'd probably read up, oh, it's based on Dungeons and Dragons, like this world, whatever. Now, you were also forced to watch a movie with Huge Jacked Man called Van Helsing. You haven't really given your opinion on the movie yet, and I think I would really like to hear that.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. So I was angry. I think that I kind of so I noticed this Hugh Jackman, and I'm like, oh boy, it's black and white. I'm like, is this whole darn movie in black and white? Which I'm sorry, I hope I don't disappoint anyone out there. I you know, other than um what's that comic movie that like everybody was in? Mickey Rourke and uh Sin City. Other than Sin City, I I rarely watch like black and white movies, so that was a little bit but despite it all, I ended up liking it because it okay, so like I really disliked the van uh Dracula. I thought he was way too over the top, but then like he gets so over the top that I started to enjoy it. I'm like, alright, Bug. Alright, let's go. You want to double down more? Let's go.

SPEAKER_00:

And like it's it's yeah, he keeps he keeps upping the antsy of just like, how crazy can I be?

SPEAKER_02:

You know, and like, you know, like I want life and and then it gets so ridiculous. Like and Frankenstein is like a wrestler from the 1980s, you know, where it's like you're you're how do you feel about your mom dying? Like, well, you know, I feel I'm very upset about this, and uh, it's not great. And it's just everything is yelling for like uh no matter what. And that was kind of absurd. The bats thing was weird. I did get a lot of mummy vibes from the uh like the melting of like the the vampire brides. I did like the weird Mormon overtones where like he has multiple brides, and then they're like, Why do we need another bride? You know, they get all like hopped up about it and stuff. So that that was kind of crazy. It's really like as it's a longer movie, right? It's like two and a half hours. I think it's only like two hours ten. Alright, two hours ten, sorry. It's almost like for the first 30 minutes, I was like, nah, man, I'm not gonna like this. This dumb, I'm angry, I'm watching a huge Jackal movie, it's not Wolverine. And then I liked it, and then I was super confused at the end with Mufasa in the sky. So it was a real roller coaster. This was a real roller coaster.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, it's so they there's a line on in the beginning of the movie where basically like the whole family is barred from heaven until Dracula is killed, which is such a ridiculous, like nobody in my bloodline is gonna move on to the next life until you die, sir. That's how badly we're gonna kill you, but we're really bad at killing you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so that was I want to do a stipulation where I'm gonna curse on my deathbed, I'm like, nobody in this family goes to heaven until the Mets win the world series. And then like in 21-22, my descendants finally make it there. And you see me and they're all just confused, like that was so like the CGI in this, Anthony. What do you think? The CGI is like good, but it's also like weird. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

It it was 2004 CGI, it looked exactly like the CGI from that time, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it was definitely like on par with like pirates and stuff. But there I I know what you're saying. There were certain scenes, the werewolf transformations looked great, you know. That was that was really cool.

SPEAKER_02:

But then there were more old school Hollywood tricks that they would employ that like the little bats, like they were definitely like there were CGI, but then there was like a real, I want to say real effect, like little weird-looking bats like just sitting next to people.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, well, probably, yeah. They used real props for certain things. Like I think Dracula's Castle is a map painting, which is really jarring to see in a post-2000s movie. And there's certain things that aren't like CGI, and it's just overlaid faces onto clouds, you know, like that's not CGI. They just doubled footage onto other footage. So it's like they put a lot of money into certain things and then just like we can do this the old-fashioned way. And it I I did laugh when her face just pops up into the clouds. It is really her face is so big, like everyone else's face is small, and her face is so big, and her eyes her tears are so so large. Oh god, it was so funny. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So your boy, you know, Vigio was not in the movie, but your boy Faramir was.

SPEAKER_00:

He was. That was actually the more jarring thing for me than huge Jacked Man. It was uh Faramir showing up and just being a bumbling oaf for the most part, except when you needed him.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, he's a man of quality. He's got he's a man of quality. So, you know, you got Hugh Jackman, and then when Faramir gets on screen and he's like this cowardly bumbling oaf, which is what his father, Deathanar, uh, sees him as, essentially. I um I got big mad. I'm not gonna lie. I was like, How dare you besmirch Faramir? He's a man of quality, he's a man of Gondor. And uh that was I mean, honestly, like kudos to the actor. It's crazy to me. That's the same man.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

The role of Gondor is his.

SPEAKER_02:

He's uh he's only a steward, but still it was it was he also played who what else is he in?

SPEAKER_00:

He's in something more recent. Um I think it was Iron Fist, right? He was one of the villains in the first season of Iron Fist. And I think he actually did a really good job on that.

SPEAKER_01:

He was on the show Fringe, also.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, you were and Denethor was on the actor for Denethor was on that as well.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh that oh yeah, yeah, that that's who I meant.

SPEAKER_00:

Very good. So uh yeah, so uh one thing that I liked that I didn't necessarily grasp when I was a uh a kid watching this movie, or a teenager whenever this came out, was the concept of the sect that Van Helsing worked for or worked under, being so open to other walks of life. It wasn't so it met in like the Vatican, right? It wasn't like a Catholic organization because there were monks in there, there were priests in there, there were people from pretty much all religions and like walks of life. And I was really surprised to see that. You know, like it didn't I I it's such a strange you never really see that. I don't know, I don't know how to describe it. Like an organization that's so amalgast of other religions and creeds and everything. But you know, I guess these all are individuals who are seeking to kill monsters. They're almost like a witcher sect, but instead of everyone being witchers, they're just from all walks of life and they feed Van Helsing's hatred of monsters. I think that's their goal in life is just like fuel that fire within him.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that was I look like the is that a a con uh an actual thing that the confessionals had like a gate to keep the person from going out? Like, does that mean like if somebody had like a really heinous crime that I don't want to mention, but uh, you know, it's terrible, and they get into the booth and it's like oh calling the constable, like I know this whole religion thing we're supposed to forgive.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I don't have an answer for you. I'm sure that that has happened at the I would have never gone to confession.

SPEAKER_02:

Catholics. Like I would have never gone. I was raised Catholic. It was bad enough that when we went to confession, they had the little screen, right? But like we our church had it just as a room. So then you'd walk into the room and you'd see the priest and then sit behind the screen. So like he saw you, like uh he already knows who you are. And the idea that then like that was the most nerve-wracking, and then the idea that if I walked in and I said the wrong thing, a gate would have come down and I would have been trapped inside is.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean, he was uh he Van Helsing knew who he was speaking to in terms of like this was his gateway to get into whatever organization he needed to get into. It wasn't like that was the first time, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

It just yeah the fact that it even exists is uh is crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

It is a bizarre concept.

SPEAKER_02:

Very Catholic though.

SPEAKER_00:

Um it is, but also isn't, you know, at the same time. It's they're very open to different creeds and lifestyles over there in the late 1800s. What did we think of Oh, so I wasn't joking. The the Mr. Hyde was modeled after Andre the Giant. That was like intentional. Really? Yeah, no, because I was just like, this guy looks like Andre the Giant, and I'm telling Jen that. And I look it up and and it's like, yep, that was intentional. That was modeled after French actor Andre the Giant.

SPEAKER_02:

Andre, yeah, Andre Rousemov. That's crazy. So I I won't lie, I mean, I thought it I kind of saw it, but uh I watch too much wrestling and I try not to like let it infect every single thing that I you know, I but I love I love Andre. I mean that's a really cool uh I don't know. Uh the portrayal in this one, I don't know if you guys have ever seen League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, uh, which I uh hate and love at the same time. I liked the Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde there. Am I am I often saying that we met Mr. Hyde but we didn't really see Dr. Jekyll? Or was it just so quick because they cramming everything in?

SPEAKER_00:

They show Mr. Hyde when he's falling off the Notre Dame, he turns into Dr. Jekyll and dies as basically Bruce Banner instead of the Hyde. Okay. Yeah. So again, they kill off a pretty pretty significant, you know, literary monster right off the gate. Then they introduce or they they introduce Frankenstein previously, the doc Frankenstein's monster. They they fake us out, they pretend to kill him early on in the movie. We find out that he isn't actually dead, and then they kill off Dracula later on. It's it's they kill off some pretty big monsters. I guess uh you can have no there's like no end to like vampires and werewolves that you can choose from. What are they gonna I'm so curious what they would have done with this franchise if it would have just kept going, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Maybe they would have chosen creatures.

SPEAKER_01:

By the end, like Anthony was Frankenstein is alive.

SPEAKER_00:

Frankenstein is alive, and he most certainly would have showed back up right when the cast needed him.

SPEAKER_02:

He would have been like somehow he would have returned.

SPEAKER_00:

Somehow Frankenstein returned, and he would have been like, You forgot your really cool weapon. I I had it in my back pocket.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, like after seeing Frankenstein from last week and then like watching this Frankenstein, like I'm like just genuinely convinced that Frankenstein's monster is just a hero.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah. It's a really bad adaptation if Frankenstein's monster isn't actually the hero.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's just be clear about that. I mean, he even is in a book in the book.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, that's that's intentional. It would be a very bad adaptation if it was an actual monster playing Frankenstein's monster. But what I liked about this I always liked this version of Frankenstein because it kind of molds the classic Hollywood bumbling oaf with the eloquence of the Mary Shelley character. So he is like over the top and he's he's very mechanical, like they like the Hollywood version of him. You know, like he he has electricity running through his his brain and stuff. He's got a weird like node over his heart that's green and bold. It's an arc reactor, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Um like the back of his head.

SPEAKER_00:

What's up?

SPEAKER_01:

And on his head, too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and his head opens up randomly, like if he gets hit too hard, he's kind of like a a toy that just busts open intentionally. But he is also a very eloquent and kind-hearted creature, person, thing. And this is probably where I got the notion that Frankenstein needed to be massive, like 300 pounds, because in the movie he is like 360 pounds, eight or nine feet tall, stuff like you know, like that's probably where I got the notion that Frankenstein needed to be larger than he was in the previous movie that we watched last week. What did we think of Dracula's plot? I kind of enjoyed it in a in like a like it made sense for the movie that Dracula needed to bring life to his offspring. Like he that was his next step. He's been around for like 400 years. He wants to do something a little different. He has brides, he can't really do anything with them like a progeny wise. Now he can, because he met someone named Victor Frankenstein who claims that he can reanimate the dead. Dracula is dead, his brides are dead, naturally their children are dead and cannot be raised to life unless someone figures out a way to bring them to life. So they get this Dr. Frankenstein guy to test them and he creates Frankenstein's monster. I like that idea that Dracula is the catalyst for Frankenstein's monster because he wants to have a proof of concept that his progeny can come to life. I thought that was a really, you know, interesting dynamic. What did you guys did you guys like that or was that too much for you?

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, like it's it's believable.

SPEAKER_00:

Within the confines of, you know, this this was logic, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I mean it it works, but it's I don't think there ever was a real threat that Dracula's plan was gonna come through. Sure, okay. You know, like you should watch some movies in the village.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, I don't but I'm not asking about like the threat levels and like whether it is it was ever gonna work. I just I like the idea. Or like, you know, this catalyze the story that we received, you know, like I didn't think the Death Star was really gonna destroy the rebels, but I like the idea that the Empire, you know, created this to like you know bring balance to the galaxy. You know what I'm saying? Like I yeah, yeah I I think I got the point.

SPEAKER_01:

See, I didn't believe about that, but I did believe that in real life that Darth Vader was The one that brought balance to the force.

SPEAKER_00:

To his new empire.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

His new empire? Yeah. Sorry. We're gonna cut out the middleman, the middleman being Palpatine. Jen for the longest time, and I think she still does it. Like, there's certain words that like she always gets wrong, and like Palpatine is like one of those things that is hard for her to say. She says Palpatine. Wait, really? Like it's she adds an extra L in there, and it's it's it's adorable.

SPEAKER_02:

It's it's painful, but it's you know, uh, I'm gonna be watching I'm gonna be teaching Revenge of the Sith. Uh when I come back from Oh, you're Macbeth. Yes, so I'm I'm tempted to uh see if she'll help introduce the uh because I do a slideshow uh presentation with the main people.

SPEAKER_00:

I think I've corrected her enough times where like she would when she gets into teacher mode, she she is a little bit more in her A game, but we'll see. Yeah. I know she would like kill to teach. Oh, so here's here's a funny thing. And you Rich, you probably already know. She wanted to teach Alien, like the 1979 Alien movie in her class, as part of uh an art like an AI cautionary story, because you know there's the mother protocol that kind of keeps the alien alive aboard the Nostromo and all that. She really wanted me to edit the movie in a way where it was clean, which I could do, you know. I could I could edit out the cursing, I can edit out the scene where like Sigourney is basically like in the smallest underwear uh ever put to screen. I can cut away from stuff like that, but she wanted me to make it an 80-minute movie so that it she could play it over two classes, and I couldn't do it from uh, you know, like how do you maintain the story when you cut 40 minutes out of it? You know, like that really bothered my conscience, you know, like as a like an art enjoyer, a fan of Ridley Scott, and you know, just like I felt like I was desecrating film, right? Dude, like I I debated, I was I I was like losing sleep over it. I was like, what am I gonna cut out? I could probably cut out the beginning where it's like just three minutes of the ship, but that's about it.

SPEAKER_02:

It's it's uh every year I I I teach the first unit of the year for the seniors is the college essay, and every year I've got a kid, the essay maximum word count is six fifty. Every year I've got a kid who shows up with like 1200 words, and it's like the most heart-wrenching story of their life, and they're like, Can you help me get it under 650? And I'm like, You want me to choose what parts of your life to cut out? Like, this is double what it is, you know. So I can't even imagine like oh, cutting out alien.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean they got getting rid of the alien itself.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like you as a teacher would be able to read that and be able to cut out stuff that may be like unnecessary.

SPEAKER_02:

You're right. I can do that 85% of the time or something, but there's always like one every year that every part of it is so integral that you're like, how do I do this? Like, I'm like, you don't make me do this. You figure it out and then come back to be get it down to like nine and I can help you. But like this is double. Like I can't figure it out yet.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. 650 is kind of kind of honestly it's messed up.

SPEAKER_02:

College boards like, hey guys, you know, what's the one uh thing that's not on your application that you really want us to know about you? What makes you you tell us in 650? And you're like, 650.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, as a kid, 650 words sounds like a long, a long thing. I make video essays, and in a sitting, I'm well past a thousand words, and I've barely cracked the first couple minutes of my video, you know? Like it it that's crazy. I don't know. That would be hard for me to do because I'm not I'm not very good at brevity.

SPEAKER_02:

But yeah. But uh going back to Van Helsing over here, I just uh tell me. I don't know. You really liked it. I I could tell I I I ended up liking it, but I definitely didn't like it as much as um Dungeons and Dragons. I definitely didn't like it as much as I'm trying to think of the at time. I liked Underworld a lot more. Um I I yeah I personally didn't know like a lot of the Van Helsing lore. I I vaguely knew and honestly, like I I loved Conquerors Bad for a Day Man. It's such a great game. And it had parody levels, and they had like the Matrix, and one of them was Van Helsing, so I knew vaguely oh, and I also learned about Van Helsing from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where he writes like the whole musical based on Van Helsing at the end. And uh I don't know. Have you ever guys you guys ever seen that one?

SPEAKER_00:

No. What? Wait, wait, wait, say what's getting Sarah Marshall? I have seen Forgetting Helsing.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and his whole musical idea is based off of Van Helsing.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay. So, I mean, have you ever read the Bram Stoker Dracula? No. So that is where the character Van Helsing began. It's the guy who's trying to bring Dracula down. This movie makes him a much bigger deal in terms of like he's just a monster hunter in this. He's a witcher, basically. But he's not in Bram Stoker's book.

SPEAKER_01:

He does hunt Dracula, but yeah, isn't he like a scientist though? Like more scientist-y kind of yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

He's like a professor or something.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, alright. So I thought, yeah, because I it it was I mean the the game lined up with this a little bit more. But uh, this is like the fur so I I thought after I came away from the movie, I thought that this was what Van Helsing was like, and I was like, wow, it's weird that I haven't seen this that it hasn't been like done again or in a different way, but apparently it has a full five seasons, so I gotta dive in.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, uh uh apparently there's a full five seasons of Van Helsing from the producers of Fargo and Hell on Wheels. I'm assuming that's the name of the other thing, Anthony Hell on Wheels, Hell on Something.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh yeah, I think like that that uh Western show.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, yeah. Anthony has a logo of Van Helsing TV series behind him, but it's kind of cut off a little bit. Anyway, do we have any final thoughts on Van Helsing?

SPEAKER_01:

Um I think it's a it's a fun movie. It's not going to be, you know, anything. It's not like a top-tier Oscar, you know, nominated movie, but it it it will be like a good time. And sometimes like that's what you need. You don't need some crazy movie that you have to really pay attention to every little detail. Sometimes you just want to enjoy a spectacle on TV, and that's what this is.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I was surprised by how much was happening in every scene. There was always action. It doesn't go two minutes without a werewolf breaking into, you know, like the house at night or vampires attacking carriages, or any there's always action happening at any given moment in this movie. And I thought that that was really impressive because that's gotta be exhausting to write, you know, like to like figure out how to do this scene by scene by scene by scene. Yeah. Uh kudos to that. But yeah, I would say it's probably like in my top five uh Wolverine movies. I sort of go.

SPEAKER_01:

It's probably it's in my top few Underworld movies.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, I mean I think it's probably a little bit better than Deadpool and Wolverine for me, but a little lower than the Wolverine. Yeah. Yeah. Richie's looking at me like I've lost. Did you say that that you like this better than Deadpool and Wolverine? Yeah, I as far as like where I place it among Wolverine films, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's believable.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't even know what to say.

SPEAKER_00:

I really dislike the multiverse when it comes to Marvel. Um, and I think it cheapens a lot of what I used to love about Marvel. So I enjoyed watching Deadpool and Wolverine, but I don't like it. I actually dislike it because of that. So that's where I sit with that.

SPEAKER_02:

Sky's drop is scorched in a hot takes an hour into the podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean I mean, he's not lying though about the multiverse. Like, I mean, it was completely botched, and this was really a bit of like fan service to try to save it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I'm I'm really excited for the multiverse era to end so that they can just do something else. Because I'm not really excited for Avengers Doomsday. I know a trailer leaked and it's gonna be attached to the new Avatar movie, so I guess that'll be the first time I see that trailer. I'm tentatively excited about Secret Wars, because that is actually a comic that I like, and I hope they do it justice, but after Secret Wars, they kind of close the multiverse. So I'm hoping that happens with the movies, and that's that's what that's what I'm looking forward to, basically. Not so much Doomsday. But anyway, guys, yeah, Van Helsing in my top five Wolverine films. And uh Richard, what are your final thoughts? It's not a Wolverine film.

SPEAKER_02:

Um it's it's not a Wolverine film. I uh you know, look, it's uh it's a fine movie that I would watch on a Saturday when it's raining outside and there's no baseball, and I'd put it on like TBS or something, and even watch it with commercials.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what? I really like that we finally found a movie that Rich doesn't like. He's trying really hard to like it, and he's trying hard not to hurt our feelings, but it's okay. It's okay. You are allowed to not like something, sir. I and I I'm actually proud of you for finding something that, you know, like you're usually not the one of the three of us that has negative opinions about something. So this is totally cool. Yeah, all right, fine. You know what?

SPEAKER_02:

If I had to go thumbs up, thumbs down, if that's all I had, and I don't have any middle ground, I'm gonna go thumbs down.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, so one last question. When Dracula dies and all of his progeny, his bat like babies, burst open, what adjective would you use? Be You know where he's gone with that.

SPEAKER_02:

It's liquid-based. I think it's liquid-based. Um, I wouldn't say it's quite milky robotic, right? I it's not, it's we're not talking about synthesis.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, no. That's not a good one.

SPEAKER_02:

I think it's something more that comes from a tree, maybe specifically from fruit. I would say those were some juicy scenes.

SPEAKER_00:

Guys, uh, you know, I wasn't gonna go there. I wasn't I wasn't gonna, you know, bring up the juicy thing, but uh Rich brought it up. So um I'm gonna ask you kindly if you are listening to this, you've made it this far, you like what you're listening to, listen to more of uh us ramble about random movies and TV shows and other things. Please be sure to give us a five-star juicy review on whatever podcast application you are listening to, because that is how we succeed, that is how we continue to get new listeners, and uh yeah, that that lets us know how you feel. So please do that. And thank you so much for listening to us here for our 145th episode of Project Geekology. Yeah. To do loo. Peace. This movie does not have the Wolverine.

Podcasts we love

Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.

Nerd of Mouth Artwork

Nerd of Mouth

The Last Podcast Network
Triple Click Artwork

Triple Click

Maximum Fun